The Constant Dilemma

It’s done. I’ve quit my job. Five years of slogging in a public sector bank wrapped up in one resignation letter. The reactions? As expected.

“Are you crazy?! What is wrong with you? Who gives up a job like that? If you didn’t like it why did you waste five years in that? Are you going to join some private bank? Do you have a better job offer? Don’t you think its a bit rash?”

I’m bored of answering these questions again and again. And for the hundredth time, NO, I’m not building a startup!

Why is it so difficult to do what you really want to? Why is it not okay to lose interest in something which once motivated you? Why should you not break away when you realise you’re caught in a loop? Yes, I’m afraid of failure and more so of my fickle mind. But should that stop me?  Is it because I’m afraid I might fail, or is it more because I might fail and all those people who thought so would be proven right and it will give them a sense of validation that they have every right to interfere in someone else’s life. What is this fear? Of failure? Of facing the countless ‘I told you so’-s? Why is it that such a decision suddenly becomes the subject of constant scrutiny in your circle? Why is there no concern when you are in a secure job? Why does nobody want to know if you’re not happy then? Why the concern over my financial needs now? Where was the concern when I literally had no personal life to spend that fat paycheck on? Seriously, what is with this paranoia!

Why am I writing about this? Because I’m not alone.  It’s not just for me but for anyone who wants to start over and has doubts. I urge everyone out there who wants to start afresh to just go ahead and do it. I understand your concerns because I’ve been there. However, one doesn’t need approval from everyone they know about what they should or should not do because interestingly although everyone seems to have an opinion about it they hardly understand any of it. And if you are so afraid of trying anything new in your life at least don’t discourage the ones who do have the will to pursue their dreams. I’m not against giving advice or having an opinion, but if you’re only going to crush someone’s morale and dreams, just keep your mouth shut.  Oh, and please don’t wrap up your advice in a blanket of ‘we only wish the best for you.’ I might return the favour some day and it may not be the nicest thing to hear.

The reactions were expected but my answer to those questions? Something about happiness and life sprinkled with random words like job satisfaction, peace and such shizz. But still, WHY? I don’t know…or maybe I do know and just don’t feel like telling anyone. For the first time, I’m happy with just saying “I don’t know.” For someone blessed with genes of being over-prepared for everything, this is huge. And trust me, it has not been easy.

Change isn’t easy. It’s confusing and chaotic. But it shouldn’t stop you. You don’t stop dreaming because of the nightmares. Too cliche? Agreed, but isn’t that what success is all about? Your choices will change at every step but the dilemma is a constant. And what fun would it be if the choices are easy and don’t make you push your boundaries.

So the question still remains. What am I going to do?

Simple.  I’m going to try and make it worth the while.

22 Replies to “The Constant Dilemma”

  1. Totally agree with each and every line !!
    It is upsetting how “personal choice” is neglected so easily ! Do whatever makes you happy or at least ‘worry free’ 😘

  2. This dilemma is so real especially when the society tries every trick in the trade to stop you from pursuing your own goals and dreams just because it doesn’t resonates with their ideology. Wonderfully articulated jija and hoping to read more such articles on your blog.

  3. I read it somewhere few days back….Close your eyes; take a deeeep breath; and say it loud “bhad me gai duniya” 😀

  4. So courageously done…. wish you all happiness….live for your dreams….I know you will get success beautiful girl….

  5. Though it needs lot of courage to follow your heart ❣ n take some uncalled decisions in life but the kind of peace n freedom you feel now is going to take you to places where you actually belong to. All the very best Dear 😍

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